Phil September 26th, 2008
Nine-year-old Joey was asked by his mother what he had learned in Sunday school.
“Well Mom, our teacher told us how God sent Moses behind enemy lines on a rescue mission to lead the Israelites out of Egypt . When he got to the Red Sea , he had his army build a pontoon bridge and all the people walked across safely. Then he radioed headquarters for reinforcements. They sent bombers to blow up the bridge and all the Israelites were saved.”
“Now Joey, is that really what your teacher taught you?” his mother asked.
“Well, no, Mom. But if I told it the way the teacher did, you’d never believe it!”
Phil September 25th, 2008
On his way home from work one day, a father remembers it’s his daughter’s birthday. He pulls over at a Toy Shop and asks the sales person, “How much for one of those Barbie dolls?”
The salesperson answers, “Which one do you mean, Sir? We have Work Out Barbie for $19.95, Shopping Barbie for $19.95, Beach Barbie for $19.95, Disco Barbie for $19.95, Ballerina Barbie for $19.95, Astronaut Barbie for $19.95, Skater Barbie for $19.95, and Divorced Barbie for $265.95.”
The amazed father asks: “Why is the Divorced Barbie $265.95 and the others only $19.95?”
The salesperson rolls her eyes, sighs, and answers: “Sir, Divorced Barbie comes with: Ken’s Car, Ken’s House, Ken’s Boat, Ken’s Furniture, Ken’s Computer, one of Ken’s Friends, and a key chain made with Ken’s balls.”
Phil September 24th, 2008
At lunch time, sit in your parked car with sunglasses on and point a hair dryer at passing cars. See if they slow down.- Page Yourself Over The Intercom. Don’t Disguise Your Voice.
- Every Time Someone Asks You to Do Something, ask If They Want Fries with that.
- Put Your Garbage Can on Your Desk and Label it ‘In’.
- Put Decaf In The Coffee Maker For 3 Weeks. Once everyone has gotten over Their Caffeine Addictions, Switch to Espresso.
- In The Memo Field Of All Your Checks, Write ‘For Smuggling Diamonds’.
- Finish All Your sentences with ‘In Accordance With the Prophecy’.
- Don’t use any punctuation.
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Phil September 20th, 2008
No matter what situations life throws at you…
No matter how long and treacherous your journey may seem…
Remember, there is a light at the end of the tunnel!